Time. It’s a precious commodity isn’t it? We’re always looking for more of it, trying to make it, hoping it might slow down or speed up.
The last month or so have been particularly lacking in it for me. I’m always busy, to be honest that’s the way I like it, but the last few weeks? Well, it’s been a bit much even for me.
First there was the rewiring, then the landscaping in the back garden started. Then a week long business trip for my husband, leaving me on my own. Then my husband arrived back, with his parents. Then I flew to the UK for five days…
Since my return from the UK we’ve had a farewell dinner out with my in-laws, swim classes (times four), a birthday party, a Scout event, a trip to the airport, a school project to finish and a visit with friends. All in the space of four days.
All of this has added up to the quietest few weeks I’ve had on the blog for about a year and a half! If you discount photography projects, I’ve only written a handful of posts, and each of those have been rather rushed affairs; I must publish, I must publish on a loop in my head.
Last night I had great plans. My husband was out for the evening and I had two posts I wanted to write for today.
But, the truth is, I was beat. I was tired and worn out. After a day of solid rain, with two school runs and two swim classes to do, I was done. I had been wet all day, I was cold and I was grumpy.
And, even though I had the time available (for the first time in weeks) I just couldn’t do it. I put away the iPad, switched off the PC and I read a book. A wonderful, epic, sweeping fantasy that transported me, allowed me to inhabit a different world, to forget about everything else. Freed me and enthralled me and reminded me why I love books and words and writing.
Why this blog is so important to me. Why writing is so important to me.
But, it also reminded me that time is precious and there is so much I want to do everyday. That while I love writing my blog, blogging can be all consuming and sometimes you have to choose to do something else.
Last night as I finished that book; a book that I didn’t want to end; I knew it was time to do something about my time. Not just keep saying I need more, that I need balance; but actually make a change.
I can’t write if I’m so worn down by the impossibility of doing everything that I can’t think.
I can’t write when I’m surrounded by mess because I’ve chosen to use every spare five minutes to comment on a couple of blogs rather than pick up some toys.
I can’t write about what I’ve done if I’ve used all available me-time to write!
I can’t write when I feel guilty.
I am my own worst enemy.
The truth is, I am compulsive and competitive, and honestly, much as I’d like to say that stats and rankings don’t matter to me, they do. Not to the exclusion of all else, but my Tots rank is important to me and I work hard for it.
I am a perfectionist who needs validation.
But the danger is that I take all the joy out of writing by feeling required to rather than compelled to.
So, this isn’t either of the posts that I had planned, but it is the one that wanted to be written when I sat down at my blank screen this morning.
What am I writing at the moment? Not as much as I would like, but as much as I can.
And the truth about that? It’s not what I want, but it’s what I need to do.
I totally recognise that feeling because I get to that place a lot. Thank you for reminding me I am not alone. I had plans this week too but I took a break to watch interstellar and felt all the better for it. :-)
We definitely all need to take time out sometimes x
I’m sat here taking my metaphorical hat off to you Sara for being so brutally honest. I had a Twitter chat with someone last week about feeling compelled to blog. I honestly never write because I feel I have to and I honestly have no idea what my stats are as I’ve not logged into Google Analytics since the day I set the account up… Of late though I’ve been bothered by my Tots and Foodies score, and that’s bothered me! Well done for recognising the need for some proper me time and allowing yourself to have it. Huge hugs my dear, sounds like you need them xxx
Thank you Renee, I am feeling in a much better place now than this time last week x
Ah it’s no wonder you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed! I can totally understand that self-imposed need to blog, and I haven’t even started getting into rankings and stats yet… Well done for taking some time for yourself – sounds like a great book! I hope things start to feel a bit more manageable soon xx
This has been a good week, got some perspective back :)
I doubt there are many who haven’t felt like this at some stage or another to a greater or lesser extent Sara. I can relate to much of what you’re saying. I think taking a break sometimes becomes a necessity rather than a luxury and there’s nothing at all wrong with that x
I think that’s right, it’s listening to that need that can be the problem :)
Yes, we have all been at this point. When you have a blog and you are posting regularly and often, it can become lIke a job and then when you can’t do those posts you wanted you start to feel guilty and you are in danger of losing sight of why you started blogging in the first place. Blog when you can and not because you have to. Enjoy the experienceand remember why you love to write.
On another note, there is a challenge that starts in January, I think, where you can commit to writing 1000 words per day for 100 days. This forces you to write, instead of you doing it at your leisure, but I can see that it would be a good opportunity to make someone get in to the habit of writing on a daily basis. It can be anything from a poem, journal entry, blog, whatever.
That challenge sounds interesting… I’m working on a plan for the blog at the moment, focusing on where I want my writing to go (both on the blog and perhaps separately) and something like that might help.
Blogging can be all-consuming, I’d agree, and I do understand that compulsion to write and get things scheduled up. I absolutely feel like this, so I write when I feel like it, get a few posts done, then have a few days where I simply cannot write – there’s nothing in me and I just need to do something else. This is how it works for me now, and it means I get a better balance. It means I’m writing when I want to, and I’ve pulled back from ‘having’ to write for linkies, so I write more for me now x
I think that’s where I’m heading, the last few weeks have been much more sensible and less harried!
These could have been exactly my words Sara. I am constantly fighting between a want to write my blog because I love it but this need to do other things. Either way I feel guilty when I’m not doing the other one. Ridiculous! I sacrificed my top 100 score this month because in October, I did slack off a bit. I let myself off the hook. I see you’ve sneaked into number 97 which is very well deserved. I am constantly telling myself it doesn’t matter (because in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t) but equally I’m a bit disappointed. Onwards and upwards !
That’s exactly it, I feel guilty about the ‘house’ stuff, but then I also feel guilty that I’m not writing! It is ridiculous :) And, I haver to say thank you for noticing my Tots score, until I read your comment I hadn’t actually noticed!
I subscribe to your blog by email and am amazed by how often a ‘new post notification’ lands in my inbox. I often think ‘I don’t know how she does it!” Honestly. Awe. I’m glad you found a bit of time for yourself this week and I really think reading is a brilliant use of ‘me time’. It’s escapism that doubles as training for writing! But training you’re not even aware of doing. What could be better?
Part of me is envious of ‘proper bloggers’ who get on Tots indexes or whatever (I totally don’t know the lingo) and have huge stats. Part of me wants that validation too! But another part of me thinks ‘Phew!’ and ‘it’s just not for me!’ and I’m happy to pootle along in the slow lane blogging what and when I want. I can really see the appeal though and how it can become addictive!
Bottom line is you’re doing fantastically and you should cut yourself some slack and spend more time escaping into a good book. Thanks for linking to #WhatImWriting (and there’s no need to apologise for being MIA! Just join in as and when you can and we’ll always be happy to see you xx)
I probably drive you nuts! I would say that 50% of my posts at the moment are photography projects, so although I spend time choosing/editing the images there is little writing involved! Thank you for your lovely comment though, I really enjoy joining in with #whatimwriting, I love to see what everyone else has been up to :)
I think a lot of us are going to have been nodding our heads in complete understanding and agreement with this today Sara (well, not the absolute carousel of activities you’ve had going on, mind you!!) I have had some of these thoughts a lot lately – that feeling that every night I am rolling into bed without having watched the programme I wanted to watch or picked up a book for weeks. Blogging really is a massive time-thief! Having said that I obviously enjoy it a lot but I had this thought the other day – no matter what is going on I will switch off the blogging between 9 & 10 each night (she says as 21.07 flicks up on the bottom of the computer :-) ). I was so disappointed by my Tots score yesterday – it really made me feel so meh about the whole thing because I feel like I’ve poured every ounce of myself into this last month what with going self-hosted and starting the linky and everything. I know I don’t do the things I need to do to really be well ranked though. All that Klout & Kred stuff and constant Tweeting and running competitions & networking. It’s like a bloody full time job – I don’t have the motivation for that right now. Hope you find some more time or just enjoy some more ‘me’ time very soon my love Xxx #thetruthabout
I don’t really have time for the social media stuff either, I just dip in and out, Twitter defeats me completely! It is a full time job, if you let it be… I’m trying to get back to it being part time! I hope you’re feeling better about your Tots score after the comments re self-hosting and backlinks etc :)
What a fantastic post, Sara. And one that you beat me to ;) My other blog has ‘suffered’ in the past few weeks because I’ve been naturally drawn to my writing one. I too have realised that time is of the essence and when I succumbed to bronchitis a few weeks ago, I listened to my body and to my soul and took a step back. I’m feeling half normal again now and I feel better for being honest with myself… #WhatImWriting
Thank you Carol, I think that’s the key thing isn’t it, listening to our bodies and souls and doing what we need to do not what we feel we should be doing x
I can definitely relate to this post. It is so hard to juggle things and there are times when I end up resenting my blog for the reasons that you described. The thing is that if you take a few days off here and there, it won’t make a huge difference and I have taken a much more relaxed approach to blogging over the last few months and it really does help.
I think you’re absolutely right, there has to be some balance and we can’t do things well when we’re exhausted (physically and mentally!).
Sara, I can relate so much with your post. In fact, I could have written something very similar, and you are right: instead of feeling stressed about having no time, perhaps some changes need to be made…. And wow, I just saw on your sidebar that you are in the top 100, well done, you!
Thank you Mel :)
Argh, I think we’ve all felt this pressure. Writing is a compulsion and if you’re constantly having ideas then guilt about the ideas it’s a never-ending circle.
Housework can wait. Kids just mess it up again. I tend to write late at night (although I’ve been getting behind with things lately because I need to find happy places and avoid being all responsible for a bit due to head things.)
I think you’re doing a fab job with the blog and the writing. Next step, getting you on a novel ;-) x
Thank you Chrissie, that means a lot. I have so many ideas in my head and I get so frustrated at not being able to write them all, right now!
I know what you mean Sara I am the same lately. I need a minute break I love being very busy but it’s been over taking me lately. I am obsessed with rankings scores etc I know I should be it’s my competitive nature and my nature to get better and better at whatever i am trying to achieve. I find it hard when I am lacking and there isn’t time to work hard at it. My tot score was 64 last month I worked so hard for it and then a little ill and a week down this month I jumped back 126 . I don’t know how those at the top stay at the top it’s hard work time and dedication that I try to achieve but have been feeling like one big failure lately. Own worse critic. Great post. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
It is such hard work, and I don’t think it’s sustainable month on month, you have to have quieter months sometimes. I had a good October stats wise, so I was thrilled to finally break into the Top 100, but I know that my November stats are nowhere near as good so I’ll drop back out next month. BUT you know what, I now know that when I’m up for it and work really hard, I can do it, so I can do it again in the New Year if I out my mind to it… so I’m a lot less stressed about it now :)
I know how you feel, although I’ve never even got close to top 100! I really admire the people that do make it. Absolutely brilliant to see you at 97, well done! I took a really long break (10 weeks!) over the summer and it really refreshed me. I don’t think you need to take that long, but your mini-break with a book sounds perfect. To be a writer, you have to keep reading – I have to remind myself of that sometimes. I have 450 pages of a book to read by Friday for book club – wish me luck!! x
I’m planning to take the second half of December ‘off’. I won’t stop completely, but I won’t be joining linkys. I need a proper break and it will be nice to just plan and brainstorm and get excited about the New Year :)
This is such a lovely, honest post. You’re obviously very self aware, and actively choosing to step away from the blog to do something just for you to escape is such a good idea. Your blog with be the better for it ultimately. It’s hard not to go and do a ‘quick’ something on the blog all the time though x
It is hard, isn’t it – so tempting to just pop on, and then suddenly you’ve lost two hours :)
Such an honest post. We can get so absorbed by blogging – desperate to get that great idea down, or just keep up with it all. I know what you mean about stats and scores relating to validation – those things shouldn’t be important, but we’re all human and we want to know what we are doing is making an impact, so those measurable things matter. It’s good to take a break every so often though to prevent burn out – not that I’m good at taking my own advice :-/ xxx
Yes, I’m not generally very good at taking this particular piece of advice, but I really need a break and although I haven’t stopped completely I’m feeling much better and more balanced x
Great post lovely!! I reckon all us bloggers can relate to this in one way or another!! Xx
I suspect we can! Thank you x
Sara, your post today was most interesting. I am completely new to blogging and thoroughly enjoying it. I have joined various groups and social networks I normally wouldn’t have bothered with. Looking at your post has made me want to embrace the now. Appreciate the moment I’m writing this for my children who I love so dearly. Appreciate having 0 friends on facebook and a analytics that has one person who views my site daily, repeatedly. I was delighted until I realised it was me! But down here at the bottom or should I say, the start of my journey, there is no competitiveness, no hurry, no beating one self up for writing something that later looks a tad odd . Thanks for helping me appreciate the now. Hugs. Hope you feel better soon x
Thank you x I think it’s very easy to get caught up in the ‘must publish, must comment, must link’ whirlwind, but sometimes you have to just stop!
You did the right thing. Sometimes we need to switch off and just be. If for no other reason than to answer the question of where inspiration to write comes from if we’re just writing and not living!
On Monday I was away from social media, spending time with family and Christmas shopping. I came home exhausted and only briefly looked at a screen to re-organise a missed parcel delivery. I answered e-mails the next day, and published the day’s blog post a little later than planned, but, it didn’t matter :)
Exactly, what will I write about if I do nothing but read/comment/write :)
I completely understand where you are coming from, its not just time but also energy that is stopping me writing at the moment, it is very hard to find that elusive balance! Great post! Xx #sharewithme
It is definitely a tricky balance x
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Hello there, I always really enjoy reading your blog and I can totally relate to what you are saying, it is hard at times and if I feel under pressure from other things then it’s very hard to find the space in my mind to write and be happy with it! There is always something else that needs doing and it can be hard to focus. Great post xxx #sharewithme
Thank you, that’s really lovely to hear. It is hard to find focus sometimes, and a break is definitely needed to bring perspective back x
Yes I identify with this, I had a Tots 100 ranking parenting blog for a couple of years and spent vast amounts of my time on it. Although it helped my writing lots, ultimately it was illness which made me realise what was important. The moment I was in hospital with pneumonia made me realise I’d been doing too much (working freelance as well) and that my family came first. So that blog went (and with it all the pressure), I dropped some of the work and I’d like to think I manage my time better. I now get caught up with book writing angst rather than blogging angst but I know taking that time out to read and relax is important. If you don’t take the time to look after yourself then your family suffer x
You are so right. My blog is helping with my writing hugely, but I need some more space in my head sometimes to really think and develop. I’m getting better at finding the balance :)
I know how you feel. But you can’t force it and if you’re tired you need to listen to your body. Lots of love to you x x x
Thank you Susanne, I’m in a much better place than I was a week ago x
A very thoughtful and honest post Sara. I haven’t blogged too much lately and am trying to step away from the stats. I know they don’t matter but it is hard not to want to have an external source confirming you’re doing a good job. I’m blogging less and living more which ironically is giving me more to write abut but less time to write it! Can we ever get the balance right? #sharewithme
That’s the thing isn’t it, in the great scheme of things they don’t matter, but they are a source of validation, and if we’re being honest, we all need that at times x
I really enjoyed this post and can relate to it. I’m taking a break from my usual “schedule” of writing over the holidays and it’s felt good. I’ve missed reading as many blog posts as I was, and the writing, but I’ve enjoyed reading more books and spending time on things I’d neglected.
It’s tricky to find the balance isn’t it, but worthwhile trying to x
As I’m reading this and commenting I’m thinking about the two posts that I wanted to get written today! I guess I’m as guilty of trying to do too much as the next person. There just aren’t enough hours in the day and to be honest I should put away my laptop now and read a book/watch some trashy tv to just switch off while the little one is asleep. But at the end of the day I like to feel like I’ve achieved something and blogging/freelancing gives me that sense of achievement. Such a thought-provoking post from you Sara, thank you x
That’s what I find difficult, needing to feel like I’ve achieved something each day, and for me publishing a post is that personal achievement that I need. But, I’m feeling much better for having taken things down a notch x
You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way – and I think this time of year is really busy for everyone. My poor little blog certainly is feeling a bit neglected right now – but when it comes down to it, there *are* more important things than blogging. Like your health and wellbeing. Sometimes, the blog just has to take a back seat…. as hard as it can be to allow!
You are absolutely right, and it is hard but necessary :)
I know exactly how you feel, I also need to make a change and organise my time better. #allaboutyou
You are so right Sara, we forget to lose ourselves, to be transported, to take the time away from devices and enjoy life, and sometimes in the “have-to / must-do” of blogging, we lose the enjoyment of it. I stay away from rankings as much as possible, apart from glancing at my daily page views – I just know I run the risk of getting totally addicted! Great #AllAboutYou post xx
I found myself nodding in agreement throughout your post. I really wish I had more time to write some posts but have had to temporarily ‘not feel guilty’ while I need to focus on some other projects.