I imagine that I am not the only parent for whom a night away, child free, is the stuff of fantasy. Something that was once so simple is now filled with complexity and hassle, not to mention guilt; and seems at odds with the reality of life as a parent.
I adore my children, but I need the odd break… An hour is wonderful, a day is incredible and a whole night (plus a lie-in); heavenly!
As a working mum I often travelled and although I was generally exhausted (work trips always started at stupid o’clock, involved convoluted travel and long days of meetings) I would make the most of my hotel; dinner alone, long bubble bath, uninterrupted TV…
Becoming a SAHM has brought these regular escapes to an end, but I have been lucky enough this year to have two solo trips to the UK.
Not one night away, but several! Blissful, surely?
I’m not going to say that I didn’t enjoy these trips, because I really did! Time alone, time with friends and family, time to just be me; not the parent, nurse, taxi, cook… Time off!
But the truth is, while it’s wonderful to get time to myself, the flip side is, being away from my children means that I am away from my children.
I miss them. I miss their smiles and their chatter. I miss the cuddles. I even miss their annoying, frustrating, noise!
And then. Then there are the moments of gut wrenching fear of something happening to them, or me, while we’re (thousands of) miles apart. Those moments of terror catch me unawares, take my breath away. The terror of not being there, of being separated, of being powerless and absent.
I know that I must learn to live with this fear and worry. As my children get older, our time apart will become more frequent. This is necessary and right.
I will not allow the fear of what-ifs to stop any of us doing the things that we want and need to do.
I will enjoy time with my children and I will enjoy our time apart. I will enjoy the moments when we are reunited. I will share my own excitement and discoveries and stories, as I will share in theirs.
But, the truth about travelling without my kids? It may be fun and exciting, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Know how you feel and on the rare occasions that I managed to escapre from my daughters when they were small the fantasy of time alone was always far nicer than the reality. Here’s looking forward to all those hugs when you arrive home x
I do enjoy my time away, but it is definitely tinged with missing them and fear of something happening, it’s never quite as relaxing as I expect it to be!
Aww yes I bet that actually must be really hard, being so far away from them. My Mum has my youngest one morning a week, and I have to stop myself freaking out just thinking about their journey in the car without me, it’s ridiculous!! But I do agree that it’s healthy for us to make ourselves spend odd bits of time without them as they grow, for both them and us.
I worry day to day too, but there is definitely something about being quite so far away x
I’m similar. It’s a bit different being a full-time working dad, I know, but I’m away for 2-3 days 3-4 times a year with work and I can never get home soon enough. Partly that’s because business travel is nowhere near as glamorous as some people might think, and also because I don’t like being away from the kids for an extended period. On the bright side, they do seem to be genuinely happy when I get home, rather than being all “You were away? We didn’t notice.”
Business travel is definitely not glamorous! I’m always pleased to get a good reaction when I get home too :)
I can imagine that being away from your children for several nights can be very mixed especially with being on different continents. I love those rare moments of having time for myself (although have not yet managed overnight) but I do miss them when I’m not with them as lovely as the ‘me’ time is x #thetruthabout
Exactly, me-time is wonderful and very necessary, but too long and too far isn’t quite as relaxing x
I’ve never spent more than a day away from my baby girl and although I often daydream of a few days to myself I know I’d miss her terribly. Great post. #thetruthabout
Jenna at Tinyfootsteps
Fantastic post #thetruthabout Your posts always inspire me to think about situations that I would normally avoid. But your words are so true. We cant stop ourselves or our children experiencing life because of fear. I am slowly learning to let go a little more and enjoy life and allow my little ones to gain confidence and independence without me watching their every move. Since doing this I’ve noticed a huge improvement in all of us. I have never needed to have a night away but if I ever did I would remember your words. Thank You.
Thank you, that’s a lovely comment x Teaching them (and ourselves!) independence is tricky x
I think time away is good for everyone, but I find more than a couple of days and it it does start to get quiet difficult. It’s the worry of not being there if something happened that’s the killer for me x
There’s a trick – that I’ve not mastered – of enjoying where you are and what you’ve got and not longing for something different. It would certainly make for a happier life. You seem to have worked that out. Good luck.
Thank you, I try! Not always easy though, the heart often overtakes the head x
I’ve only ever been away from.my kids about four or five nights total in the last five years and always within driving distance so I can’t even imagine flying across an ocean without them! I can totally see how it would feel like mixed blessings though – it must be almost surreal to feel that distance between you. So nice to be reunited though!! Thanks fire linking (with a newly minted post :-) ) to #thetruthabout Xx
Yes, the distance makes it quite a different experience I think, knowing that you can’t hop in the car and be back in half an hour x
Ah yes – it’s definitely a ‘catch-22’ situation for me.
That’s it exactly Kriss, a catch-22 x
Totally agree with you Sara! What a lovely post. As they say ‘Be careful what you wish for’! So glad you did enjoy your breaks away even though you missed the children x #MMWBH
I do enjoy the breaks, and I’ve been very lucky with the trips to the UK this year, but I do find the distance hard x
I’ve yet to spend a night away from my two – they’re 2.5 and 5 months – but can imagine I’d feel exactly the same as you. Even today, when Little Miss was at nursery, was both refreshing but just a bit too quiet. I am hopefully looking forward to a couple of nights out in the run up to Christmas though. #Brilliantblogposts
The break is good, and I need the time time off (!) but it scares me to be so far away for so long. But, that’s something that we’ll all have to get used to eventually, which is how it should be – doesn’t make it any easier though!
I can really relate to this. My husband and I have always enjoyed the odd fortunate night away, whether with work or birthdays/anniversaries etc. It’s good for us and our marriage (a lie in is good for everything!).
When my youngest was 18 months old we flew to New York for my best friend’s wedding, it had been planned since before my pregnancy and I was chief bridesmaid. With wedding party etc we were away 5 nights and I was a total mess about leaving the girls – I never told the bride but I came very close to not going (can you imagine the fall out when the bridesmaid cancels the day before). My head was full of every disaster scenario going!
The wedding was amazing, New York was great and we got the lie ins but it was nerve wreaking too.
We’ve recently been away for 3 nights for my husband’s birthday and it was better (also not as far!). It’s important for everyone to be able to function independently – However, if it hadn’t been such an important wedding I don’t think I would have made NY!
Great post!
Xx
It is so important for everyone to have independence, but being so far away does terrify me. I’m glad I’ve made the trips, but I don’t imagine the worry will ever lessen x
I have to admit, I relish a few hours away sometimes on my own or with friends. But anymore than that I start getting a bit itchy for hiim and all bouncy antics again :) We keep talking about a couples night away but still haven’t done it for that reason.
I know, we keep talking about arranging a night away, but part of me is so reluctant to leave the kids behind!
Oh my gosh totally agree. I stayed away a few months ago and I just thought about them all night and then ran back to them with loads of gifts. They must have thought I was totally crazy! We need time away and time to ourselves but it just helps us remember how much we ruddy love them x
Yup, that it does x
I know exactly what you mean. My eldest ones sometimes stay with my mum over the holdiays for a few days and I hate seeing their rooms empty. We’re not often away from them ourselves but when we are it’s even worse!! x x x
It’s hard! I love the time off, I have to be honest, but there is this constant niggling worry of something happening x
Aww lovely post and I totally understand how you feel, it us lovely to feel like yourself again… But not for too long! You’re right it’s for the best not to focus on the worries or the fears or let them stop you doing things though :) xx
Yes, we can’t live wondering what-if x
Beautiful.
When my son went here ahead of me when he is about 4 months old I told myself that I’ll have a free time without him and I will sleep! I will have the time of my life.
When he left. I was so lonely. Everytime I hear a sound esp of a baby there will be a literal pain in my heart. I long for the baby that I only had with me for 4 months.
#brillblogposts
It’s so hard to be away from them, I can’t imagine doing it when they were that young, not for any length of time x
I know exactly what you mean – I think we need less time away from our kids than we maybe think. It’s especially hard for you as when you come back to the UK you’re so far away from them, but you’re right that you can’t live by “what if”. It’s nice to affirm to yourself that your children are where you want to be. x
I think you’re right Jess, and yes it is good to be reminded of where we really want to be x
I am so lucky that my husband and my mum are very good at telling me to go off and do my own things and I have had lots of trips without Monkey. But even though I have loved it, I do miss Monkey terribly and by the end I am desperate to see him. I think some time away is a good thing, though. It makes you appreciate it all the more when you’re back together. And you’re right about the fact that time away will be much longer as they become adults! I dread that day… x #sharewithme
I think that’s true, it’s good to miss people. I do have trips and I’m also lucky that my husband is great about encouraging me to take time out. It’s the constant background level of worry that I struggle with :)
I was discussing this only yesterday with my husband. I also work from home and have a breastfeeding 6 month old that doesn’t sleep. When she eventually settles down and doesn’t need me I’m going to have a night in our local spa hotel on my own. I can’t think of anything better! :)
There is something quite wonderful about getting a proper break, all by yourself!
Beautiful post and sums up the conundrum of life with kids, wonderful to get a break but you end up missing them so much when you do! Loved this and totally relate. Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts
Thank you Vicky x
Hi Sara, my husband is always telling me to go and visit my sister in the UK on my own, but I never have as I would feel soooo guilty. The break from the family would be nice, but knowing that the children would like to see their Aunty and cousins as much as I do has always prevented me from taking the trip alone….And to be honest I’m not sure if I would know what to do on my own, although I am a quick learner!
I think you’d probably manage to find things to do :) It’s tough to be so far though x
It can be so hard when your job includes time away from the home. It also means you have to be super organised before you leave the house making sure everything is in order.
I always have the morning thinking this is bliss but waking up the next day I am normally counting down the hours till I get home.
Its such a fine line sometimes.
Very fine line, I enjoy a night away, but sometimes the distance is just too much x
Written so beautifully. I feel the very same I can imagine. I am about to have a girlie weekend away in February a first without the kids travelling and whilst I can’t wait not to cook or clean or do anything of that I know I will miss them so very much. I think we all feel this pull. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. I hope to see you again next week. Happy Holidays #sharewithme
Thank you Jenny, it’s a toughie x
I am with you on the ‘idea’ of getting away on your own is a blissful thought, but when {if!} it ever happens its boring! Lacks the chaos that we’re all so used too. x
Yes, it is awfully quiet, although that is nice for a little bit :)