Yesterday, I dropped my daughter off for her second day of preschool.
Her first day went by in a blur. Keeping busy and clock watching. Enjoying an uninterrupted cup of tea.
Yesterday. Yesterday was different. I said goodbye, left the building and thought, oh.
What do I do now?
This is a moment I have been looking forward to. I’m not going to lie, it was time. We were both ready for this change.
And yet, I feel a bit lost.
I have a to-do list as long as my arm, a wish-list that’s even longer, but yesterday I couldn’t think of a single thing that I needed to do.
I got in my car and sat. And then I came home, determined to make the most of my few hours of freedom.
But, I couldn’t settle to anything.
I have never been afraid of change. I mean, I left my career and moved to the US. Change may be something I am lazy about. It took two years to bite the bullet and agree to move to the US! But, it is not something I fear.
Leaving my job and becoming a stay at home mum was a massive change. Huge. It took me a long time to adjust. In fact I’m not sure that, three years later, I really have.
And now, another big change. And an even bigger question. What on earth do I do next?
Because, for five hours of the day I’m back to being me.
And while I am sure that I could fill that time; have a tidy house, stay on top of the laundry, actually unpack the boxes in the garage; I know that isn’t enough.
Being at home for my little girl has been a privilege. Blooming hard work, but still the most amazing gift.
Now I have the chance to carve out something for me while all three of the children are at school, and I honestly haven’t got a clue what that might be. Yet.
But first, I need to accept this change.
I had thought that looking forward to it, being ready for it, was enough. I now realise that it’s not quite as simple as that.
My definition of myself remains fluid, and while this is not a bad thing in itself, to move forward I need a little more certainty, a little more structure.
And perhaps, this is a pivotal moment, one where I get to start building that simpler life I crave, one that I need to grab with both hands before it slips through my fingers and gets lost in the safety of familiarity.
Perhaps this is the time to rethink and reinvent. To focus on what I want, for me and my family.
Yes. Perhaps this is the moment.
You can find this weeks #ThePrompt linky here. I do hope this week’s prompt inspired you; I look forward to reading your posts.