The hardest part of living overseas is saying goodbye.
You do it when you first move.
The endless rounds of goodbyes and good lucks. The tears; together and in private. The please come and visit and it’s only a plane ride away and we have FaceTime.
But then, you do it over and over again.
Each time you say goodbye on FaceTime.
Each time you say goodbye at the end of a visit.
As regular readers will know, Granny has been with us over Christmas. She flew back to Scotland yesterday.
It’s hardest on the boys, especially my 7yo. He is always devastated when Granny leaves. They are very close, which is wonderful and so special, but it makes it that much harder when we have to say goodbye.
I hate saying goodbye too, but I can rationalise. I know that it is only six weeks until we see her again (we’ll be in the UK on holiday!). I know that six weeks is no time at all, really. I know it will fly by.
He thinks six weeks is forever.
I don’t imagine it ever gets easier. And actually, saying goodbye shouldn’t be easy.
But, we always explain to the boys that they are sad because they had such a good time, and that it is a good kind of sad. Sadness at something fun coming to an end. That to not be sad would be worse.
We make sure the next visit is planned before the current one ends. We make sure that there is always something to look forward to. We talk about all the fun things that we have done during the visit, and the great time we will have the next time. We ask them to tell us what their favourites moment were.
We focus on the positive.
It doesn’t stop my heart breaking when I look at the sadness in their faces.
How do you deal with difficult goodbyes?
[Update 8 January 2015: I’m linking this post up with the lovely Chantelle from Seychelles Mama, for her Expat Family linky. I had intended to publish a new post for this months linky, but I’ve been enjoying a break over Christmas and New Year with my family. Yesterday, we said goodbye to my mother as she left to head home to the UK after spending Christmas with us, just as we did this time last year. It wasn’t any easier this time.]
I cried just reading this. Everytime I have to come back from the USA or my mom had to leave the uk. It’s heart raking. After six years it’s not a drop easier. But we do what u do make sure the next one is planned before the current one ends. Makes it less yearly to look forward to it.
Oh, I’m so sorry I made you cry, but it is so hard isn’t it? You definitely need to have the next trip planned xx
I can definitely relate to this post :( It’s not easy and it won’t get easier especially if you’re close to your family like I am and obviously you and your family are too. Thank goodness for Skype and FaceTime, I don’t think I’d be able to survive without it. I Skype and FaceTime with family almost every day. Technology, it’s what saves us and makes things easier :)
You’re right, I don’t know what I’d do without FaceTime and Skype. It’s not the same when you can’t see someone’s face. And, it’s great for the kids to be able to see people too xx
Wow that’s so tough :( I have my folks literally round the corner and have to remind myself sometimes how lucky I really am! Hope you aren’t too sad xx hope it gets easier xxx
Thank you x Before we moved my mum was just 20 minutes away, so this is tough. But we’ll see her, and my husbands family in February. It’s okay as long as you have a visit to look forward to xx
Oh hon I have tears in my eyes after reading this! Must be so lovely to know you have a holiday on the horizon in just six weeks time though xx
Oh, sorry, and thank you x Knowing that it’s only a few weeks makes a huge difference xx
It’s lovely reading about normal close families. Six weeks will fly xx
Thank you honey, I know I’m very lucky xx
Oh gosh that last picture made me cry… All too familiar feelings, it doesn’t get easier does it? Hugs.
Me too :( it’s really hard, but I just look forward to the next visit, only thing to do x
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What an amazing photo to conclude your poignant words. It’s not easy but glad to hear it’s just six weeks to next get together.
Thank you Kriss x Six weeks isn’t long at all :)
OMG, it gets us every time. And then I have DD moping about how she misses her cousins for weeks afterwards. And, “why can’t we live in London?” “Why can’t we live near Grandma and Grandpa like my cousins do?” etc… And sometimes even I don’t know the answers.
It’s hard isn’t it, not made easier when we are also missing people xx
Oh wow that photo at the end :, ( too gorgeous. Bless u all. Hope lil man is okay now their back at school to be distracted a little from missing his gran. Xx
Oh wow that photo :, ( too cute. Hope ur all feeling okay and lil man is finding it easier now he’s distracted by being back at school xx
I can tell you that is does get easier….but it takes a hell of a long time. I went to boarding school at 8 and once I left school at 18 I chose to live the other side of the world (Australia) from my parents and siblings (Bulgaria & UK) and have never lived in the same country since (and I’m well into my 40s). And it really is easier now than it was 30 years ago! I promise. We all see each other 2-3 times a year usually (though there was a period when it was only once a year) and we chat regularly and that’s just normal for us. Perhaps my case is a little extree!!!
aaggh…that is of course “extreme”!
Oh my god Sara this has me in tears!!! My heart breaks saying goodbye too and it’s been made so much harder since we had Arthur because I know it makes it so much worse for our families saying goodbye.
It’s such a good idea to have the next trip planned before the current one ends, I can imagine that definitely helps!!
Thanks as always for linking up for #myexpatfamily lovely! hope to see you again next month :) xx
Oh god it is so awful to say goodbye isn’t it. When I was a little kid I found the goodbyes the worst part of expat life – getting on a plane alone and without parents was awful. I thought that it would get easier as I got older – now I am the one staying and family are going and I still break down at the airport. If we decide to send the kids to school in the UK I am not sure I will cope!
When are you coming over? I was thinking of Boston myself and a wee red head for w/c 16 Feb – perhaps Easter or summer would be better if you are coming here then?
Oh Sara, you’ve hit a nerve with me too with this post.
We saw both sets of grandparents over Christmas and New Year, and after a week of being home again the goodbyes are still so raw. My two-year-old takes it so badly. It helps a tiny bit that he now understand about airplanes and going to see people, but he is still afraid that saying goodbye to his grandparents means they’re gone forever. At night he clings on to me like a little monkey. I can’t really imagine the pain ever going away, but I like the idea of focusing on the positives and planning future visits. I hope I can involve him in this as he gets older.
Big hugs xxx