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It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling a bit recently. The weather, illness. It’s been tough going. I have found it very difficult to find the positive.
While I read about embrace happy and mindfulness and being present; some days it’s all I can do to get to the end of the day.
I know the moments are there, if I look for them, but I sometimes feel that I shouldn’t have to look for them. It should be easier than this.
I shouldn’t be this tired.
I shouldn’t shout as much.
I shouldn’t wish my days away.
At the weekend I needed to take some photos of the three for my Siblings post. This project is something that I really want to do; to help focus on the good, on the special relationship the three have, to remind myself of the fun and laughter. To embrace the joy and happiness.
They were having none of it.
I’d left it too late in the day, for one reason or another. We were stuck at home. The light wasn’t great and they were playing up.
I know they were tired and simply not interested; but with all the messing around, head shaking, jumping, tongues out, bored faces, silly faces, glazed expressions… I was so exasperated, so frustrated with them that I had a little tantrum of my own, and walked away, sulking.
My children can be perceptive though and for once, knew to leave me alone for a few minutes.
Before coming and apologising and giving me a hug.
Nothing snaps you out of a bad mood faster than your child being the grown up.
When I looked at the photos, they weren’t great. But, they weren’t bad either. Well, a few of them anyway! The ones where the three weren’t just a blur of movement.
They weren’t what I was hoping to include in my Siblings post (I got some much better photos the following morning) but they were just so them. My three.
My exasperating, annoying, entertaining three.
And, for all that the last couple of months have been tough and have pushed me to, and beyond, my limits; they have not been without moments of joy.
When we built a snowman as tall as me, when we painted a rainbow in the snow, when we went out for scrummy breakfasts, when we had movie nights and pizza, when we made snow ice cream and did crafts and played with Lego, when we finally cracked potty training, when my husbands broken hand didn’t need to be pinned.
When the sun shone and the snow sparkled and the children laughed.
I do know that I am lucky, even on those days when I struggle to identify how. All I need to do is look back at the hundreds of photographs I take to see that there are many, many moments that make me lucky. And, the last few weeks have been no different, I’ve just had to try a little harder to find them.
My three; loud, bright, kind, frustrating, exhausting, hilarious. Did I say loud? Because of them, I am lucky beyond words.
Saturday reminded me of that.
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