When I have a minute to sit down and really think about how my life looks now, it’s a lot! For the most part, I love it. It’s busy and fun and rewarding. But, sometimes, it’s a little too much.
September and October were tough months for me. Too many, unexpected, things all happening at once. It was overwhelming, and in the end I took a few days off (from work, volunteering, freelance) and rested. I read several books, I drank a lot of tea. It was wonderful, and much needed.
For the last few years, the weekend before Thanksgiving has been one of the busiest of the year for me. With our Middle School’s fall musical and a community event that I attend with two of my nonprofit hats on (the parent group that supports the theater program in the schools, and my day-job!) both happening.
It was a great weekend this year. The musical, The Wizard of Oz, had three sold-out performances, and my daughter was incredible as Scarecrow. And, the community event was a fun mix of meeting new people, and chatting to old friends.
I spent a ridiculous number of hours at the school over the course of the weekend, but I survived. Without becoming ill, which has been the case in previous years!
I put this down to a few things, the key one being that I was rested this year.
And, I was rested largely because I am getting better at saying no to the things that drain me.
Learning to say no
I would be lying if I said that I had a perfect handle on saying no. I am actually really bad at it, particularly when people ask for my help.
But. I am getting better at recognizing when I need a break, and what I can say no (or yes) to with the least impact.
Late nights
I can’t function on too little sleep, it makes me stressed and anxious. Menopausal insomnia impacted me badly, and for awhile I barely slept. Over the past couple of years I have focused a lot on sleep hygiene, and this is what works for me:
- Starting to wind down at 8.30pm, with a magnesium glycinate drink. I like Moonbrew, it works for me, but find what works for you.
- Going to bed between 9.00 and 9.30, with lights off by 10.00pm.
- Limited screens, reading my kindle or a real book instead of scrolling on my phone.
- Cool bedroom, warm bed!
- Listening to a Calm sleep story if I’m struggling to fall asleep. I don’t listen to audiobooks as I fall asleep and then have to rewind in the morning, even with a timer set!
HRT helped a lot with my sleep, but a post-surgery DVT at the beginning of the year meant I had to stop taking it. So, I’ve had to really focus on making sure I have a good routine in place to sleep well.
Self-imposed deadlines
I work in the office three days a week, I have freelance clients that I try to limit to one or two days a week, and I volunteer with a couple of creative nonprofits. This can mean that I work seven days a week, when I set myself unrealistic deadlines.
So, I’ve stopped.
I have at least one day a week where I don’t open my laptop at all. I no longer commit to getting things done sooner than I can manage. I set realistic expectations, for myself and others.
I make time in my schedule for me. To read, to write, to watch a show. Making appointments with myself, and sticking to them, is hugely important for my mental health.
A case in point – this blog post! I had hoped to stick to a Saturday posting schedule, but with show-weekend commitments, I knew it wasn’t realistic. So I let it go. So, happy Monday!
Overthinking
I have anxiety. I take medication, and I manage it much better now, but it’s always there. For me it manifests mostly in a need for control and perfection. Making mistakes sends me into a tailspin. I am a work in progress, but negative self-talk serves no purpose, and self-care starts with being kind to yourself.
Doomscrolling
I don’t read the news. I block accounts, and hide words, to avoid getting sucked in to things I don’t want to engage with. I read Heather Cox Richardson’s updates every morning, then I avoid doomscrolling political content.
The world is an overwhelming place right now, and based on my personal circumstances, I have to protect my peace.
Saying yes, when I mean no
This is probably the hardest.
My anxiety gives me a constant low-level fear of people not liking me, which results in a tendency to people-please. But, I’m doing better! Not quite recovered, but definitely a recovering people-pleaser.
Prioritizing me
As we move into midlife, many of us will have spent so long prioritizing others, that we’ve almost forgotten how to prioritize ourselves. The old adage, you can’t drink from an empty cup, is true. So, get filling those cups, and make midlife the best time of your life.
Say no to the things that no longer serve you. And yes to the things that fill you with joy.
