My daughter is challenging.
However hard I try, I cannot find my no voice.
Even if I could, I suspect my daughters no voice would still be stronger, certainly more definite.
She’s two and a half. It’s a tricky age. Full of experimentation and boundary pushing. All part of the process of growing up.
I remember the boys pushing, naturally seeing how far they could go, how flexible the boundaries were. I don’t remember them being quite so defiant!
I will admit to having virtually stopped taking her places, stopped seeing friends, because knowing that she will not listen to me; that she will run away, or sit and screech, or have a spectacular meltdown (or all of the above); is just too stressful.
I know that this does not help. Removing her from situations doesn’t teach her how to deal with them. But it’s hard; challenging! And, in all honesty, embarrassing. I am struggling to find my way through this stage.
In all fairness, her defiance is born out of a wonderfully vibrant personality. Something that I want to encourage and nurture, not stifle. The balance is hard though; giving her room to develop and to remain confident and strong, while teaching her how to control her emotions and frustrations.
She is amazingly good at pushing my buttons, more so than anyone else. She can elicit frustration and irritation and exasperation like no other.
She can also make me laugh out loud with her antics; have me dancing and singing by shear force of her enthusiasm; leave me bursting with pride at her latest achievement. She is funny, entertaining, bright and out going. She draws people in, makes them smile and leaves them shaking their heads in amusement, and bemusement!
With that confidence in herself comes an unwillingness to compromise though; or in fact do anything that she doesn’t want to do, or hasn’t chosen to do herself.
You can guide her, channel her, occasionally manipulate her; but really, you’re screwed.
My daughter is challenging, but it is my challenge to accept and my challenge to meet. Because for every moment I am tearing my hair out in frustration there are ten more where I am simply in awe of this little force of nature.
You can find this weeks #ThePrompt linky here. I do hope this topic inspired you; I look forward to reading your posts.
Fab post, and a wonderful way to reflect on the challenges that wee girl brings to your life. I think most kids go through some version on the terrible twos, and us parents have to do whatever we can to get through them. If that means putting activities on hold until things are calmer then so be it xx
Oh I can completely relate. We have left certain places or events when h has been challenging and causing a scene. I can’t help but feel a tad embarrassed when all the parents stare!!!
I love the final lines, that it is your challenge to accept. And as I keep reminding myself, it is a challenge – these 2.5 year olds – but a challenge that has made life so much lovelier.
Fab post xx
I know the feeling! It’s a tricky age, and definitely challenging even if you’re doing everything right. What has worked for me is anticipating my toddler’s behaviour and seeing what I can do to prevent an outburst. Giving them lots of time to burn out their energy also calms them down. But I understand that, with three kids, it’s not that easy for you to focus on just her.
The toddler years are so challenging! Your daughter sounds hard work but also fun – an irresistible personality! I think all we can do as parents is try and meet the challenge. Our little ‘cherubs’ are worth it! I understand your feelings of embarrassment (I’ve been there too!) but I’m pretty sure that challenging behaviour is viewed by other parents with sympathy and understanding – I can even admit to feeling relieved when I see other people’s kids acting up because it reminds me that my kids are normal and I’m not alone in having to deal with behaviour like that! Great post!
Beautifully written post – toddlerhood comes with so many challenges – my eldest is nearly 3 and I do find it challenging at times. I love your final line about it being your ‘challenge to accept’ and to meet. That’s a great reminder that we also need to learn the skills to deal with toddler frustration as much as they need to learn the skills to manage their emotions too. A lovely balanced post and I also love the reflection that for every frustrating moment there are ten beautiful moments – sometimes it can be easy to lose ourselves in the challenging moments rather than also focusing on the lovely ones. Good luck with meeting the challenges! :-)
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I love this post Sara…
Mine is written in a similar vein only my son is autistic but all children bring their own challenges don’t they?
The toddler years are indeed challenging! Boy oh boy do I remember em with my older sons..in fact, I’m having flashbacks of one being banned from playgroup! *twitches* :) x
Beautiful – how lovely to see you observing the challenges of parenting little ones while reflecting on the wonderful moments, too. xxx
Little girls are a completely different ball game aren’t they! My two boys are a breeze compared to all my nieces or my friends daughters.
I often found the girls who their mums found most challenging were the ones who were in fact little carbon copies of their mothers. I wonder if your mum recalls you being a defiant little madam too!?
She sounds like she has an amazing spirit though and the at least the toddler stage is a brief one :-)
It is a bit of a balancing act, isn’t it? You do want to lay down the rules, without overdoing it for fear of stifling them. Particularly hard when there is an obsessive compulsive streak running through both of you!
Beautiful post, my little boy is just over 2 and a half and is just starting to oush the boundaries. Luckily for us he is also a people pleaser so will usually comply after a couple of asks.
My 3 year old nephew on the other hand is definitely challenging, he sounds a lot like your daughter. So much personality that can sometimes be hard to manage! Thanks for hosting! xx
A wonderful post that sums up parenthood beautifully :-). I heard once that parents with ‘easy’ toddlers often wish they would develop more defiance and backbone in their teenage years – this phase won’t last long :-)
A brave post, well done for sharing. Its so easy to share the nice and easy times and not share those times when parenting is hard, so well done.
My daughter was a little like that when she was younger, but now I truly believe it develop her sense of confidence and knowing what person she wanted to be. She’s 8 now and so many people comment on her confidence in a good way and secretly I wish I had some of her confidence and williness to give new things a go.
Sounds just like Evie…shes a stubbornsod if she says no then its a no literally nothing you do will stoop her from crying..actually screechng because you told her no…she cried the other day for 1.5 hours because she didnt ant to tidy up….so stood in the middle of the room and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried! (because I wouldnt do it!!!)
This reminds me so much of my girl! She is the person in the world who can wind me up the most. The tantrums are calming down now as she is 31/2 but recently she has had some utter corkers. It is a nightmare. I wonder maybe with me and my girl if it is because we are just so alike? That is defo what my hub thinks but just will not say it! xxx
She sounds like she has the most wonderful personality; but goodness can that be hard work at 2 1/2! When they’re pushing all of the buttons in the whole world and it feels like a personal attack it’s so hard to remember that what is a challenge in a toddler is actually what we want them to have as teenagers and adults; that determination to think for themselves and make the right decision isn’t it. And I don’t think you have to think of it as hiding away, it’s more taking a step back to let her find her way – and that’s OK (and you’re not the only one that’s cancelled a few things knowing that it just wouldn’t end well!)
Lovely post. It can be exhausting and embarrassing when they kick up that much of a fuss in public so I can;t blame you for not wanting to take her to certain places or do certain things, but like you say, it is a really tricky balance. We are realising that so far we have been quite lucky with Monkey. Of course he has his moments but I know he could be worse. I wonder whether our little girl will turn out to be more feisty! Great post, I am sure she will grow out of this particularly challenging phase, but hopefully she never loses that spark of energy :) xx #sharewithme
Amazing prompt this week. I can relate so much as MM is becoming more challenging as she finds her voice and tries to be little miss independent. Can definitely feel your pain. lol i think it’s a phase all toddler girls go through so I have heard. Great post, glad I am not alone. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me and the continual blog support. #sharewithme
I can totally relate to this. My 3 year old is charming, adorable and defiant. I asked her to put her coat on today and she simply said “no, I don’t want to do it so I won’t”. I had no answer for that :-) #sharewithme
I have two daughters (4 and 1 years) and know exactly what you’re talking about. My little madams make me laugh and scream in equal measures but I wouldn’t change them for the world. Their NOs! are definitely stronger than mine – especially in public but honestly, I think that’s just how it should be. Their healthy and confident, what more can I ask for?
Girls are more challenging than boys, I would say. I’m through the worst of the defiance with my girl (she’s almost 5) but we’re into the demanding phase., which is a new challenge in itself. She too is a vibrant soul and definitely has spirit.
It’s sad that you have stopped doing things because she’s hard work. I completely relate though. We don’t do things any more because it is so exhausting chasing them around. At home we can do timeouts in bedrooms and running off is restricted to getting into the upstairs bathroom.
It’s great that you can see through the challenges and and see that they are actually a good aspect of her personality. They will stand her in good stead when she’s older.
Lovely post xx
She sounds so lovely and like she’s really developing her very fun filled character right now :)