Dear Matilda Mae

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Dear Matilda Mae,

One year.

Such a small number.

Such a long time, yet no time at all.

One year since your mother found you sleeping; since you were taken from your family; since your family’s lives changed forever.

I only came to know you once you were gone.

But, you have changed me.

Across miles, across an ocean. I read and I cried and I changed.

Thanks to you, beautiful Matilda Mae, my children play messily. I play messily! We blow bubbles to the sky, we walk in our wellies. We light purple candles. We look for stars all around us.

And, we remember.

Matilda Mae, before I knew you I was always busy, always distracted. I didn’t take the time to enjoy the ordinary moments, the quiet special times. I didn’t take notice of the passing of the months; I didn’t take the time to record the funny, the moving, the exciting. Life passed in a blur. It was fun, it was mostly happy. It simply happened.

Now. Now I notice the smiles; I notice the milestones; I notice the new and exciting. I notice the extraordinary ordinary moments.

More; I make these moments happen.

Now. I know just how precious life is, and I am truly grateful.

I am grateful to you Matilda Mae. And, I am grateful to your mother.

You must be so proud of her, your strong and inspirational mother. Your champion, your voice.

Your mother; who has worked tirelessly. Your mother; who has spoken when she had no voice, given when she had nothing left to give. I cannot begin to imagine how she gets through each day; without you, a piece of her always missing.

I only hope that she knows how much love and support surround her everyday, however virtual it might be: arms reach out from all over the world to hold a hand, provide a shoulder. We might not always speak out loud; but we shout in our thoughts, whisper in our dreams, call out in our wishes; and we are there.

Rest in peace, Matilda Mae. Know you are loved, know you are cherished and know you live on in all our hearts.

Much love xx

Letters for Matilda Mae

14 thoughts on “Dear Matilda Mae”

  1. i still cannot believe it happend and how much it hit me and how bhard it hit us all. I still dont know how Jennie got through it and indeed still does. a special and much loved star – this is just a beautiful letter to her , really really wonderful x x

    1. Thank you. It is just heartbreaking, I still think of Jennie every Saturday and every 2nd of the month. It has had such a huge affect on so many xx

  2. I remember reading a comment from you on my blog a few months ago.
    Lovely post. This part is my favourite :

    “Your champion, your voice.

    Your mother; who has worked tirelessly. Your mother; who has spoken when she had no voice, given when she had nothing left to give”.

    Matilda is becoming the face of the Lullaby Trust, and Jennie its voice. And together they will make things change so that it stops happening.

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