I find myself wondering where the time goes. It seems like only yesterday it was June; now it’s October and the inevitable chaos of Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas loom large.
I am drifting. Somewhat aimlessly it feels.
I need to regain focus.
We have a house to decorate (read: restore and refurbish!). I have a blog that I love, and a wish to make more of it. I have a toddler who needs more of me, a more present me, and who also needs independence and experience and just, well, more.
I have few enough hours in my day. I need to make them longer… Somehow. I need to make them work for me, rather than against me.
I need to make time.
I hate to feel that I have achieved little in a day. That the washing remains undone, the tidying unfinished, the blog unwritten. That I haven’t chosen paint colours, researched taps, looked at tiles.
That I haven’t baked or crafted or done any messy play.
It’s not that there is anything really wrong, this is simply day to day life with three kids: school runs, swim classes, homework, projects, play dates and meal times. Frankly, all of those things take a lot of time, it is hardly surprising that they leave little for other things. Generally I feel fairly pleased to have just managed all of those activities!
Perhaps it is the fact that I am bone tired after a tough two weeks; that I am dwelling more on what I haven’t done, rather than crediting myself for all that I have.
But, I feel a real need to do more. Somehow. And therein lies the problem; how?
I laugh at myself when I utter the words: I used to be so organised. In fact essentially, that was my job for many years, organising people! I think that I need to start employing some of those management techniques on myself; even if that means plans and programmes, maybe even the odd Gantt chart :)
A part of me feels slightly ungrateful, selfish even, for feeling like this. That I am not drifting; I am simply taking the days as they come and doing what needs to be done, and doing a hugely important job along the way (a job that I love).
But, the overachiever in me can’t settle. So, what to do?
How has your week been, what would your word of the week be?