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I’m in danger of becoming shouty mum again, or at least, shoutier mum again. I’m not sure if those descriptions are actually real words, but they should be.
Last week was a busy one. The wee girl’s birthday party on Sunday, her actual birthday on Wednesday. A swim team event on Tuesday evening. That I ended up missing because I closed the boot of the car on my head. Hard. I’m an idiot. Wednesday evening there was a Cub Scout event.
By Thursday everyone was exhausted. The boys stumbled down stairs in the morning and I actually gasped when I saw them. Shadows under the eyes, sad faces, stooped shoulders.
It was too much. Never have I been so grateful for a long weekend.
On Thursday I wandered around the house, unable to settle to anything. I haven’t felt that tired for weeks. Not since I began my quest to simplify and calm my life.
The last couple of months have seen me take more care; of my time, my energy, my inner resources.
And, I am beginning to notice a difference.
A tough week, with a sick household a couple of weeks ago didn’t break me, and I was happy with my ability to let things go and accept everything that week threw at me.
I suspect it was the beginning of the assault on my energy reserves though.
I’ve always known that I need to sleep. I don’t function well on little sleep (who does?) and I get very grumpy, very quickly when I’m tired.
I know this, but I’ve always ignored it. Put it in the it’s life, get on with it pile.
BUT, having taken more care of myself over the last couple of months, I have noticed such a change in my ability to cope with stressful or frustrating situations.
I don’t shout at the kids in the morning (as much!). The school run has become a calmer, easier process. Homework less of a chore. Afternoons more fun. Bedtimes less frustrating!
Yup, not rocket science (again), but a wake up call to me nonetheless.
Self-awareness has never been an issue for me. In fact, I am far too introspective at times. But, acting on that self-awareness? Never been a strong point.
Last week I was over-tired: I was clumsy, I ate badly (sometimes forgetting to eat at all), I felt frustrated. I snapped a lot. And, I knew it.
I could feel myself spiraling, and I know I was thoroughly unreasonable at times.
I shouted at the kids far too much. Often for no reason.
That’s not fair. Unavoidable at times, I know. We all do it. But, if I’m aware enough to know that I’ve been unfair, then I should be aware enough to do something about it.
If my plan for this year is to succeed, then I need to learn from weeks like last week.
There was a lot of fun, but there was also a lot of shouting.
So, note to self: more sleep, fewer commitments, less grumpiness!
I need to do less to enjoy more.
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