Motherhood: becoming a stay at home mum

Becoming at stay at home

I should have gone back to work yesterday.

I’m still not quite sure how I feel about this.

Had we not moved, my maternity leave would have ended and I would have gone back to working four days a week yesterday. When I say four days, I really mean five or six, with regular meetings on my days off and my ‘working from home’ days. Regularly being in the office, or on a train, by 7am. Never seeing the kids in the morning. Arriving to pick the younger ones up from nursery to find them in rainbow outfits. Trying to get away in time to pick the older one up from school at least a couple of days a week.

Juggling. Failing. Dropping balls all over the place.

I loved my job. My career defined me. Even after I had the boys I couldn’t quite let go of that. Who am I, if not the successful project manager?

But then we moved, and I discovered a different pace. I’m still tired a lot of the time. But it’s a good tired – I’m busy; with schools runs, activities, playing.

I sleep now.

Will that be enough in the long run? How long before I start going a bit nuts? I have days now where I feel like my head is going to explode at the end of the day – the noise! I crave silence. I need time off.

Even though I resigned last July, just before we moved, in my mind I have been on maternity leave until now.

Now I am unemployed. This is a strange realisation, and one that I still have to process.

But I am enjoying spending more time with my kids so much. I am seeing them in a way that I didn’t get the opportunity to before. We have fun. We laugh, a lot. And I am getting to see and do everything with the wee girl. We do classes and activities and play dates. I missed out on that with the boys.

I have no real desire to return to work at the moment. I joke with my husband that I’ll never work again. I think that is unlikely, but I am in no rush.

This new pace; this slower, calmer, less stressful existence is working for me and my family. We are happier.

I’ve linked this post up to #PoCoLo at Verily, Victoria Vocalises

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10 thoughts on “Motherhood: becoming a stay at home mum”

  1. I know what you mean about sleeping better. I am much more relaxed for being at home. I’m tired, but it’s usually a more physical tiredness than the mental draining from my managerial job in an office. Enjoy. Maybe something new will come your way workwise in time.

    1. Thank you – I am enjoying it, most of the time! I’m sure that at some point I’ll look for something new, but it will be something more flexible and creative I think… We’ll see :) Thank you for commenting xx

  2. a lovely post, Sara. What better job is there than giving your children that much mummy time when they are so young. Life is all about balance, but for now enjoy the moment :)) xx

  3. I am the same honey, i took voluntary redundancy at the end of my MAT leave and worried constantly over not being me! its why I started blogging :-)

  4. It is a hard thing to get right isn’t it. I am having to decide soon whether to go back after my second baby. In some ways I would love to go back and have a bit of me time but then again I love being a mum and don’t want work to get in the way of that!

    1. So sorry for not replying to this sooner, for some odd reason you went into my spam…?! It is a really difficult balance. After no.1 and no.2 I went back, and it was the right thing at the time, but it got harder – and I got more tired and stressed. When no.3 arrived I just knew something had to change. I’m still not sure if this is the right thing in the long run for me, but it’s certainly the right thing at the moment. Good luck! Thanks for commenting :)

  5. This is so hard. As I’ve become older, I need a slower pace of life (it doesn’t seem to be happening though!!). I am a driving instructor and self-employed so am lucky in the fact that I work school hours plus my OH – despite not being Grace’s father – is very supportive. We are looking at having a child of our own though and he doesn’t want me teaching when I’m pregnant. I think you need to do what is right for you. Thank you so much for linking with #PoCoLo

    1. It is hard isn’t it? So difficult to find the right balance. All I know at the moment is that the balance was all wrong before – and that whatever the future holds it will be different. Right now, this is what’s right for me, and I just want to enjoy it :)

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