I am me

I have been feeling a bit lost, a bit aimless, over the last few weeks.

I would have gone back to work in March if we hadn’t moved to the States.

I am so used to being super busy, I am struggling a little. I like to feel productive and organised – to deliver.

As I write ‘My week that was’ posts, I know that I am busy – it’s a constant whirl of activity.

But it is without anything ‘concrete’ to show for it at the end of the day. I have a list of stuff that I want/need to do, but the more aimless I feel, the less productive I become!

I know that happy children, a (reasonably!) tidy house, clean clothes for all, fresh food on the table and wonderful memories of fun activities is not nothing, but how can I structure my day to feel less whirlwind of randomness and more Sara delivers…?

And, most importantly, how can I find (or rediscover) ‘me’ in the midst of all of this domestic activity?

When I saw the I am me linky, created by Rachael over at Three Years & Home, it was just the perfect post. It has however taken me about a month to publish my own and link up… What was that I was saying about productivity :)

So, this is me…
I am me

I am: a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a niece, an auntie, a cousin, a friend, a vegetarian.

I am sometimes: happy, tired, grumpy, thoughtful, selfish, helpful, controlling, organised, critical, empathic, perceptive, lonely, sad, short tempered, irrational, peaceful, artistic, creative, funny, sarcastic, irritating, confident, self-conscious, shy, a mass of contradictions.

I like: my children, my husband, laughter, making lists, pink fizz, sci-fi, fantasy novels, reading, the smell of books, cake, my e-reader, compliments, watching TV, running, chocolate, memory boxes, drawing and painting, shopping, galleries, silence, being alone, tea, chilled white wine, wit, daffodils, talking, having an audience, parties, being good at my job, creating, shoes, baths, diet coke, the sound of the sea, having a manicure, meeting new people, writing my blog, family time, me time.

I dislike: snow, being cold, animal cruelty, rudeness, noise, pedants, dishonesty, meanness, ironing, changing duvet covers, anything that upsets my children, regrets, unfairness, inequality, bullying, confrontation, heights, wasps, massages, flying.

I’ve also linked this post up to #PoCoLo at Verily, Victoria Vocalises

Post Comment Love

19 thoughts on “I am me”

  1. 3yearsandhome

    A really, really wonderful post. I’ve loved finding out more about you. It’s even harder to hang on to your identity when you move abroad too. People have no idea of your history.

    1. I enjoyed taking the time to write it. You are absolutely right about the move contributing to the loss of identity. If I were at home, even not working, so much else would be the same that I would retain more of what makes me ‘me’. The lack of shorthand and familiar places/people/activities has made it more difficult. But, I’m still in here, somewhere – just need to find a chilled white wine drinking, witty, party loving partner in crime and get a bit of girly me time sorted :) That, and a reliable baby sitter!

  2. Ah you are a woman after my own heart. I too find – now at the ripe old age of 61 – and being my husband’s primary caregiver – read that magician – that I have no me as in time for me. I seem to spend my days washing, cleaning, cooking, running errands, making sure he’s clean and safe ………… it is like having a tiny child again. And I’m way too tired. Give yourself a while to get used to this very strange country – and then get a part-time job. You will thank yourself for the time you have to be you again. Much light your way!

    1. Thank you for commenting – it’s tough isn’t it, retaining ‘you’ when your day is so wholly taken up by others. My blog is helping me get back a bit of me – still don’t really have enough time though :)

  3. I totally get where you’re coming from.

    There’s so much to do but it still doesn’t quite feel like “delivery” yet I’m sure you’re completely exhausted by the end of each day.

    I wrote a post about this a while back – I totally relate.

    You’re you though – a woman making her way through the world and doing great at it.

    x

    1. Thank you so much xx It’s a tough adjustment at times – going from managing projects to ‘just’ managing a family – at work I had a finished building to show for the hard work – I need to view finished (or at least work in progress) people in the same way :)

  4. SweetToothNim

    Such a lovely thing to do. It an be hard to find yourself within the everyday routine with children. :-)
    #pocolo

  5. Lovely post. I struggled a lot with just being Mummy, my husband is never around for 6 days/nights of the week so finding me was difficult. My blog and pre-school have helped give me a bit of time and something to focus on. I’m learning new things and using my brain for adult things again! Good luck #PoCoLo

    1. My blog has definitely made a difference – some time and space to do an ‘adult’ and creative activity! It can be so difficult when you’re simply too tired at the end of the day to do anything specifically for yourself. I think we all underestimate how important it is to have a little bit of time just for ourselves, perhaps worrying that it’s selfish? I try and have at least a couple of ‘child free’ hours a week, and my husband is wonderfully supportive of this. I hope that my blog will help fill the ‘productive/delivery’ gap…!

  6. Ok, I have to ask, massages? You don’t like them? Why?!

    I’m not going to write anything trite and say that you are achieving so much with your gorgeous family, as I can tell that that’s not what you are saying. It is really hard when you’re a full time mummy, and have had a busy career, to adjust. As my youngest has reached pre-school age, and starts school in September, I’ve started to have a bit of a ‘midlife type crisis’ in that when she starts, it’s suddenly me-time, and who am I now? And what do I want to do? So I can really relate to what you’re saying.

    You’re such a lovely lady, and one of my favourite bloggers, so wherever you end up, and what ever you do, please keep blogging and we are all right here for you xx

    1. Thank you so much – your lovely comments really made my day xx I’m certainly going to keep blogging – to be honest it is providing a much needed focus! And massages… Well, it’s spa ones that I don’t like – always make me feel a bit uncomfortable, paper pants and all that..! I am nothing if not a little odd :)

  7. It’s hard enough being a Mum but then moving to another country too. You are doing so well. It’s been great to find out more about you – and your personality really shines through in your photos. Thank you so much for sharing this post with PoCoLo too xx

  8. Lous Lake Views

    Oh my, I so relate to this post. Firstly I can agree with so many of your “I am me’ (i really enjoyed doing mine, it was so liberating!) points but also your feelings of being unproductive. What I found was the you can’t judge yourself in ‘normal’ terms because your ‘normal’ doesn’t exist anymore. It’ll take time to find ‘you’ being both a Mum and a new expat, don’t be too hard on yourself :-D

    1. Thank you Lou – getting back to the linky and reading yours is on my (very long!) to do list :) I did find writing it really worthwhile actually, and I’m glad I did. You are absolutely right, and I just need to give myself a bit of space to get comfortable in this new normal xx

    1. I found it really helpful to write it all down actually, it was interesting to think about what makes me ‘me’! It’s tough finding time to focus on yourself, but I do think we need to – we’re not just mums – and ultimately that can only be a good thing for our families xx

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