We are conditioned to follow the rules, we are told that this makes us good, worthy. Breaking rules makes us bad, a troublemaker. But, does this attitude stifle creativity?
While working, I had a particular approach to most situations; ‘take the initiative, and ask forgiveness later’. It served me well. And, I never did need to ask forgiveness. Now, I should say that I was an engineer, clearly there were rules that couldn’t be broken. Physics for example. But, when it came to management, creativity and approach; taking the initiative always won, even when the approach wasn’t conventional.
As parents, we need to teach our children the rules; there are certain things that they must do, that they need to do, that would be dangerous if done differently.
But, this shouldn’t be at the expense of developing their individuality. And, it shouldn’t stop them from taking the initiative.
It’s a fine line though, isn’t it? How much freedom is too much, how many rules can be broken without consequence? How do you decide which rules are unbreakable, and how do you teach your children to know which boundaries are safe to push?
Because, where would we be if Edison had stuck to improving the candle; Monet had stuck with the literal; or if I had to handwrite this and post it to you?
Teaching initiative is tricky. It’s about confidence, self belief, knowledge; but it’s also about personality. I may have taken the initiative at work, but I’m not very good at doing the same in my personal life. When it comes to day to day living, I’m a bit of a stickler for rules! I am nervous of doing the wrong thing. I’m more comfortable within a framework.
Children need some flexibility though, the ability to make mistakes in a safe environment, to break some of those rules without serious consequences. To learn, to understand, to develop.
I don’t really have any answers; all I know is that encouraging my children to be who they are, who they want to be and who they can be, is one of the most important jobs I will ever have. And one where I definitely need to take the initiative and ask forgiveness later.
You can find this weeks #ThePrompt linky here. I do hope this topic inspired you; I look forward to finding out how you feel about rules!
Great food for thought sara!
I was having this exact discussion with my husband the other night, as we marvelled at how cheeky our little 1.5yr old is becoming! How do we get him to be “obedient” (when required by personal safety/ not to be downright rude, etc) without stifling his awesome little personality and natural instinct to lark around?! Tough one. I’d be keen to hear what your readers think…
Ps, sorry I’ve been so busy this week to join in with #ThePrompt, but do please keep prompting me! :)
We have that conversation about my daughter! She has such a strong personality, how do we control it a little without stifling it?
It is a fine line, like you say. As long as they are safe and do no harm, it may be okay to push the boundaries and challenge limits.
That’s the thing isn’t it, teaching them so that they can use good judgement and understand when it’s okay to challenge a little. Tricky!
I love that Sara – take initiative now and ask forgiveness later. I think that could work in many households within reason, and as long as nobody gets too upset along the way. I remember reading about how much the average parent says ‘no’ in a day (lots!) Made me realise that we shouldn’t have too many strict rules. Great prompt xx
Thanks :) I do say no a lot, and I’ve realised that I need to take a little bit of a step back sometimes x
Interesting post. I read about the book The Explosive Child in which hhildren who are usually seen as troublemakers are taught flexibility byt eh parets showing it. This book teaches parents to at first set strict rules on safety issues only, and then as the child becomes more flexible, they will comply with more rules, eg. doing your homework before TV time, because they know they can negotiate some.
That is really interesting. I do think that children, actually all of us, respond better to rules when we are trusted to meet them ourselves, in our own way.
I couldn’t agree more! Rules are clearly important, up to a point – but taking the initiative and being creative is what makes the real magic happen… :) Interestingly I too was always great at doing this at work – I had the skills and the confidence to push the boundaries with usually great results! Now that I’m my own boss though I’m finding it much harder – maybe it’s because there are less actual rules that taking those leaps of faith feels so much more like heading into the unknown! X
That’s true, I wonder if that’s why I find it hard at home, fewer boundaries to work within x
I agree, there is definitely a fine line when it comes to rules. I had not really thought about teaching the kids to use their initiative, you have definitely given me something to think about :-) #ThePrompt
I think initiative is such an important skill, key in so many things x
I so agree with you! I teach our kids basic rules – whether behaviour, politeness or home stuff (like taking their shoes off as soon as they come in the door) – but want them gradually to learn that sometimes they can be a bit of a ‘rebel’ or not follow all the rules in order to grow their own personalities.
Absolutely, teaching them to be confident in themselves, but also what is acceptable and what’s not x
Great points! I thought about this prompt this week, but I didn’t actually write anything. I did think about summer though and the difference between that and the school year for kids. So many rules all year and then during summer there are very few. Probably one of the reasons they enjoy it so much!
That is true, the holidays do afford a lot more freedom :) I’m looking forward to them too x
Massive yes to encouraging our children to be who they want to be or simply are by nature. There’s truly a fine line between teaching them to fly but also respect the lines that are hard and fast. Love the prompt this week (same as most weeks really!!) xx #theprompt
Thank you! It is a fine line, but hopefully by thinking about it and acting, we can guide them x
This is a great discussion point Sara. Like you, I’m a stickler for rules, I prefer to know where I am and when things are too flexible, I get jittery! I play it safe, live within the rules and get very annoyed if/when other people break them. I guess that’s the downside, we’re all so different and not everyone feels the same. In fact some people are born looking to break the rules, or at least bend them a little. My daughter is constantly trying to flex her muscles as far as rules are concerned, the reason why her and I come to blows on a regular basis. But, we’re working on that and I’m learning how best to handle her or get the best out of her anyway. All a learning curve!
It is hard, but alongside learning to follow necessary rules, I do hope I can teach my lot to question and push a little against some of the less necessary ones, or at least those ‘conventions’ that have become rules simply because they’ve been around for awhile!
I think some rules are flexible but they shouldn’t be broken… can you imagine what would happen without them?
Freedom yes, but within the rules.
Absolutely, there are rules that must not be broken. I do think though that there are some ‘conventions’ that become rules and that sometimes we need to push against those a little :)
I like rules and feel that they should be adhered to but at the same time in our home we only have rules for situations that could cause potential harm and they cannot be broken in any circumstance. We don’t have rules for bed room tidy and chores as these are all things we do using initiative which stems from setting right habits.
Oh, we absolutely have rules in our house; being polite, being safe etc. But, I do try to be flexible with some things, help them learn, I do feel that sometimes you need to make your own mistakes.
I’m generally a rule follower, but N is a typical independent 3yo who likes testing the waters. Generally it’s nothing unsafe just annoying, so when I can I let it go, but it takes hard work doing so,
It can be difficult, I like a bit of structure, and breaking some rules makes me very uncomfortable! But, I try to let them find their own way…
There are rules in the house. Mostly made by me and mostly broken by my husband. Ugh! I was thinking why do I always have to be the bad cop =P
But this is so true. Giving kids some time to be themselves and experiment and (dare I say) break rules will teach them things.
I am sorry i werent able to join the linky this week. I have this words saved in my laptop but I just cant finish it cuz I dont know how to. Hopefully I can finish it soon.
#pocolo
Oh, we have rules, there are some things that must be; manners, safety, thoughtfulness. But, they do need to have a bit of freedom sometimes :)
That is a tricky one… but just like you said, children need the flexibility; they need to make mistakes to learn. Mel
They do, don’t they? It’s a difficult balance between strict rules and allowing them room to grow.
Very true Sara, sometimes we do need to break the rules but it’s difficult to figure out which ones to break!
Very true, it’s tricky; which to bend, which to break…
mmm – that’s a tricky one isn’t it? My two are a bit of a stickler for rules and these days I’m the one that gets told off by them for breaking the rules! (That’s not to say they behave all the time – far from it!)
I think it does come down to personality; how comfortable we are, or not, with rules :)
What a great and thought provoking blog post. This is such a hard area and I wing it all the time with my kids. For some reason my youngest is going through a ‘rules’ phase. He gets very upset when someone breaks a rule…particularly when it comes to getting in line for school! The other mums think he has a future career as a police officer!!!
I think we all wing it! My 5yo can be quite rule oriented too, reminding us to do things! But, he’s also a real thinker so I hope that he will learn to question and innovate too :)
Well said Sara. Initiative is great skill to have and goes hand in hand with pushing those boundaries and rules I think!
Thank you, it’s a tough thing to teach, but I guess we just need to encourage x
Oh, interesting. How DO you teach initiative? I think I’m lacking in that skill due to self-doubt. How can you breed confidence in ability and curiosity without excessive arrogance? One to think about and be aware of. Thank you for running the linky x
I think you have to support confidence, as taking initiative is born out of self belief… It is a hard one, and not everyone will be innovative. I guess we just need to encourage and provide a safe environment for learning and making mistakes x
What a great post! Since having the children I have become very aware of rules and boundaries and debating how we are going to live with them or live without them, how much would they be enforced or relaxed when it comes to implementation. Its a challenge, but I hope that what we are instilling is confidence so that our children can decide for themselves which rules should or shouldn’t be broken! its a tough one esp as I am not very good at breaking the rules myself. I’m slightly jealous of those who do break the rules, sometimes, it looks more fun!! But are these people spirited or just naughty? Either way as long as they have the confidence to know why they do it, thats important. Thnx for the prompt. xx
Thank you! I still don’t really have the answers, but at least I know what I’d like to do :)
Initiative and independent learning is a key principle at the moment – it’s something that schools should be working hard to promote – parents doing it too will definitely help!
I think they are such important skills and we do need to help our kids develop them x
Really interesting post lovely. And totally agree that breaking rules in a safe environment helps them learn x
Thank you x
I agree, all long as they are safe then they should be allowed to be creative and challenge boundaries in order to grow up the best they can be x
Absolutely, alongside the ‘musts’ they really need the freedom to become who they are x
Oh yes, I’m trying to find my way with this conundrum… our daughter is so headstrong and I love that about her, it will serve her well in the future, but at the same time, she needs to understand the importance of respect and also we need to ensure that she is safe! #BrilliantBlogPosts
It’s such a difficult balance. There has to be some control, but you don’t want to stamp on their personality x
I agree with the other comments, particularly Mel, children need to make mistakes to learn and it’s often the rule breakers who go on to become the innovators, the ones who discover the answers me need, make the breakthroughs-have you read the Linchpin, talks a lot about this. Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts
Thanks Vicki, I must check out The Linchpin, I haven’t read it x