The Prompt: Anger

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The Prompt 26: Anger

I ask the boys to put their shoes on, for the umpteenth time; I shout.
I ask the wee girl to stop running in the house, for the umpteenth time; I shout.
I ask the kids to tidy up their toys, for the umpteenth time; I shout.

I find that I am becoming a shouty mum.

I don’t like it.

Counting to ten doesn’t work; the anger at being ignored is too instant, too fast to erupt. There is no time to count.

I see the boys faces; when I have, in utter frustration, screamed at them to stop, or start, or change.

I don’t like it.

How to become calmer; how to stop these explosive feelings of irritation?

I read something recently, about mindfulness. It struck a chord, but how to change? How to find a place within that soothes the anger; allows me to take a breath, maintain a sense of peace, respond in a quiet and firm voice; to speak as I would be spoken to.

I saw a comment on a post last week, pointing out that children don’t get out of bed thinking; how can I make mummy’s day really bad?

They are children, there is no malice in their forgetfulness, their distraction, their daydreaming.

They are children, they make mistakes.

They are children and they learn by example.

Anger is not an example I wish to set; shouting is not an example I wish to set. I can hear myself in their voices, when they themselves become frustrated.

I don’t like it.

I recognise that it’s been a busy and stressful couple of months. I am not at my best.

But, I don’t want to be the shouty mum. For that to be what my children remember, mum was grumpy.

I don’t want to be angry; I don’t like it.

mumturnedmom


You can find this weeks #ThePrompt linky here. I do hope this topic inspired you; I look forward to finding out what makes you angry.

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21 thoughts on “The Prompt: Anger”

  1. I was exactly like this two years ago towards end of mat leave second time round hon. Hubby & I read an amazing book ‘how to calm a challenging child’ which talks of the anger us parents feel. I can’t recommend it highly enough. I’d go as far as saying it changed my life xx

    1. Thank you lovely, I’ll check out that book. It’s reassuring to hear from people that have managed to find a way through the frustration x

  2. It’s so hard not to shout sometimes, isn’t it. Hopefully it’s just the stress of the last couple of months and it will ease off soon. I have the same problem at times – have been making a lot of effort to try and nip the irritation in the bud before it becomes full-blown anger. Trying to walk away for a moment and take a few deep breaths helps, as does remembering that they are children and are not deliberately trying to push my buttons. My latest trick is to start singing “Everything’s Alright” from Jesus Christ Superstar as I find the lyrics of the first verse very helpful in reminding me not to get stressed! It’s quite funny to hear Jessica starting to sing it round the house now though!

    We all shout and get grumpy at times – but hopefully your kids are much more likely to remember the fun things you do together rather than those moments when it all got a bit frazzled x

  3. Great post, Sara – very thought provoking!
    I try not to shout – Damien is autistic and raising my voice to him leads to a meltdown so I am stressed to say the least because his behaviour is very challenging.
    Breathe in and count to one hundred!! :) x

    1. It’s such a difficult thing, counting to ten (or one hundred!). I need to learn how to take a breath. It’s a work in progress!

  4. Pingback: Don’t Look Back in Anger | Mummy Shambles

  5. Hi! That sounds so familiar! I hate it when I shout and yet I still seem to do it. Why?? I know it is setting a bad example and yet some days I just don’t care…I am tired and i just want my kids to listen without me having to play some game to get them to!! I really need to do a mindfulness course!

    1. It’s so hard isn’t it, even as you’re shouting you’re thinking I have to stop this. But, the frustration really can get to be too much. It’s been reassuring to read that I’m not alone x

  6. Emma from over at LIFE AS IT IS

    We don’t want to be shouty mums, but more of us are, than aren’t.
    I’m betting.
    Motherhood is crap at times.
    And what’s more we have our parents to thank for the shoutiness, I feel.
    Most of us were shouted at. And worse.
    So I think mostly we do a fine job.
    We shout sometimes.
    It is okay, sometimes.
    We are human.
    Will do us all good to recognise that.
    Great choice of topic Sara.
    x

    1. Thank you Emma, you are of course, absolutely right. And, as you say in your blog sidebar, if more of us admitted how hard and rubbish it is sometimes, we might all find it a little bit easier x

  7. Oh i think so many mums can relate to this-certain things I thought I would never do and I see or hear myself doing them in the heat of the moment. I find its worse when we are late/rushing and that makes us all loud and shouty but often lied doesn’t afford us the luxury of time. I am sure they’ll remember the ‘other’s you not just the shouty you!

    1. I’m sure they will, but those seconds after you’ve shouted again you feel so terrible! But it’s is reassuring to know that we all do it xx

  8. I can truly relate. I will have to consider some of the suggestions left on your comments.
    Thanks for sharing.
    I will try and join in one of these days :-) xx

  9. weekendparent1

    I’m sure there are plenty more of us shouty dads than mums… we’re hopeless at keeping our cool. No matter how much pressure I’m faced with in the office, it’s nothing compared to George and James fighting over which TV channel, computer game, pizza topping, is going to be chosen!

    1. I think I’m often worse than my husband, but I’m at home with them all day, frustration levels can be quite high by the evening! And you are so right, I never shouted at work, but kids just know how to push your buttons don’t they?!

  10. So many mums and dads feel this. It is so hard to control the shouting after a busy day, everyone feeling tired, but the good thing I feel is the regret you feel after. It shows you know its not the best way to be.
    It really is one of the worst feelings after you’ve shouted, but they know how to push you over that edge some days!

    1. No one can push your buttons the way your kids can! But, you’re right, an awareness that it’s not what you want is a start isn’t it x

  11. So similar to my post, it feels good to hear that there are so many in the same boat as me, having the same feelings as me, that i am not alone! Don’t doubt, it makes me sad to hear that it is happening to you Sara as like me you recognise and dont wish to become, their are no BUT’S to justify our anger, it just isnt a wanted mood, if that makes sense! X

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